When two people start dating, it’s natural to want to know what the other person truly believes about love, life, and long-term commitment. But where’s the line between getting to know someone deeply and putting them through an unspoken ‘test’? Actor Saif Ali Khan recently shared that before marrying Kareena Kapoor Khan, he experienced something similar.
Speaking on the talk show Two Much, co-hosted by Kajol and Twinkle Khanna, he recalled, “When I went to Ladakh, we used to go for these long walks, and she’d ask me a lot of questions, which were kind of a test-meets interview. Like, what is your view on love? This kind of went on for a while. It was very old-fashioned.”
He also shared a lighthearted moment from the same conversation when Akshay Kumar mentioned his marriage dynamic with Twinkle Khanna. Jumping in, Saif added that his father had a unique way of handling arguments with his mother, Sharmila Tagore: “I just think about playing cricket or something during the argument. I don’t say anything.”
While these anecdotes are humorous, they also bring up important questions about emotional compatibility, communication styles, and the subtle ‘testing phase’ that often occurs in relationships, especially before commitment.
But, is ‘testing’ a healthy way to gauge compatibility, or can it put unnecessary pressure on the relationship?
Jai Arora, counselling psychologist and co-founder of Kirana Counselling, tells indianexpress.com, “A bit of ‘testing’ is natural; people want to know if their partner shares similar values, handles conflict maturely, or can be trusted. Not every relationship courts for multiple years before marriage, hence these questions or ‘tests’ can be used as a tool to skip getting to know the person directly and be upfront about non-negotiables.”
But, when it turns into a covert exam, he says, it breeds anxiety and performance pressure. Healthy testing isn’t about setting “traps”, it’s about being curious and observant.
How can couples ask deeper, value-based questions early in a relationship
Arora notes, “The tone and timing matter more than the question itself. Instead of a rapid-fire Q&A, conversations built around shared stories feel lighter.”
Showing vulnerability helps too. When one person opens up first, he adds that the other feels invited, not evaluated. The key is genuine interest, not data collection. Professional services like couples therapy can also be explored for a more comprehensive, deeper and emotional experience.
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Staying silent during disagreements — Is it good or bad?
Silence can go two ways. Short pauses, taking time to cool down or think, can prevent escalation.
“But habitual silence becomes emotional distancing. It stops repair and leaves wounds wide open and undressed. The goal isn’t to argue more, but to stay connected even in disagreement,” concludes the expert.
