In the latest episode of theExpress Café Podcast, Dr Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a marriage counsellor with over 15 years of experience, shares insights on why relationships falter today, how couples can reconnect, and when therapy becomes essential.
From the rise of impatience to the silent role of complacency, Sadhoo breaks down the shifting dynamics of love, marriage and modern expectations.
Q: Are marriages really breaking down faster nowadays?
Shivani Sadhoo:Not exactly. Divorce rates plateaued around 2010. But newer couples are more impatient and expect quick fixes. When efforts don’t pay off instantly, frustration builds. Relationships need time, understanding, and the ability to handle in-laws, personal differences, and communication gaps.
Q: Have you noticed any trends over the past decade?
Shivani Sadhoo: Yes. Infidelity has become more visible, especially after COVID, which exposed cracks in marriages. People are also more vocal about frustrations. On the positive side, therapy is becoming more acceptable, though stigma still exists.
Q: How have couples’ mindsets changed between 2015 and 2025?
Shivani Sadhoo:In 2015, couples were more patient and tolerant. They gave without expecting instant returns. Today, many expect personal satisfaction right away. Financial independence has improved equality but sometimes creates competition instead of companionship.
Sadhoo suggests couples to seek help when communication breaks down, resentment builds, or when you feel more like roommates than partners (image source: pexels)
Q: What are some common reasons marriages face early splits?
Shivani Sadhoo:Resentment, lack of friendship, poor communication, unmet emotional needs, and complacency. Even couples with long courtships separate because they stop nurturing the bond after marriage.
Q: How does complacency affect relationships?
Shivani Sadhoo:It happens when couples feel they’ve “achieved” each other. Comfort turns into casualness, leading to emotional distance. If one partner becomes emotionally unavailable, resentment grows. Staying proactive and communicative is crucial.
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Q: How much time should couples spend together?
Shivani Sadhoo:At least one hour of quality time daily—undistracted and intentional. Talk about your day, play a game, or have coffee together. Watching TV doesn’t count, as it doesn’t build real connection.
Q: Are men truly less expressive than women?
Shivani Sadhoo:Mostly yes. Many men mirror what they saw in childhood—avoiding conflict or suppressing emotions. Therapy helps them express themselves safely. Women, on the other hand, tend to verbalise emotions more naturally.
Q: When should couples seek professional help?
Shivani Sadhoo:Couples usually wait six years before therapy, which is too late. Seek help when communication breaks down, resentment builds, or when you feel more like roommates than partners. Therapy provides a safe space to reconnect.
Q: How has the meaning of marriage changed in the last decade?
Shivani Sadhoo:Marriage today is more person-centric. Personal growth, career goals, and financial independence play a bigger role. The unconditional commitment seen in earlier generations is often replaced by mutual convenience.
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Q: Are arranged marriages different from love marriages in terms of challenges?
Shivani Sadhoo:Both face challenges. Arranged marriages may succeed long-term because of family support and structured negotiation, while love marriages still require adjustment despite initial familiarity.
Q: How does social media impact relationships?
Shivani Sadhoo:It often amplifies insecurities and comparisons. Instagram is for entertainment, not education. For relationship issues, turn to books or professionals—not influencers.
Q: What role does apology play in a relationship?
Shivani Sadhoo:A true apology means acknowledging the impact of your actions and taking responsibility. Saying “I’m sorry” with excuses doesn’t work. Consistent accountability builds trust.
Q: How can couples navigate different value systems?
Shivani Sadhoo:By respecting each other’s perspectives. Differences in upbringing, culture, or habits need compromise and curiosity. Understanding why your partner feels a certain way is key.
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Q: Any misconceptions about men and women in marriage?
Shivani Sadhoo:Yes. Men aren’t always emotionally unavailable, and women aren’t always overly dramatic. These are stereotypes. Misunderstandings grow when families or social expectations interfere.
Sadhoo suggests that couples navigate different value systems by respecting each other’s perspectives (image source: pexels)
Q: Five practical tips for a healthy relationship:
Shivani Sadhoo:
1. Be a giver first, not a taker.
2. Build a culture of respect and appreciation.
3. Prioritise friendship with your partner.
4. Practice patience and consistency.
5. Be intentional about quality time and communication.
Sadhoo also shared a few other insights:
#1 reason relationships fail: Lack of patience.
Most underrated skill for couples: Patience.
Biggest silent killer of love: Silence.
Therapy works best when: Couples are receptive.
Childhood experience shapes: Adult love patterns.
Greatest misconception about divorce: “The other person is crazy.”
Ritual that keeps intimacy alive: Scheduling date nights.
Love vs arranged marriage adjustments: Both require effort; arranged marriages often demand more negotiation.
Social media: Can be both a healer and a hazard—balance is key.
